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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Dear Abby says I'm're ok.. we're all ok...

I've always felt like a bit of a freak because most of my best friends are guys.. always have been.. always will be I guess.. I've lost a lot of friends to girlfriends who are jealous.. for no good reason other than previous relationships gone bad.. So I wanted to post this Dear Abby article from yesterday.. just to reenforce that I AM OK.. and it is OK for people to have opposite gender platonic friends WHILE they are in a relationship.. and it does not mean that they are F*CKING or WILL F*CK it just means that they are friends.. and I think more people should stand up for themselves.. and say.. hey.. you know what.. I'm not going to change who I am to be half of you.. I'm going to be me.. take it or leave it.. if you can't accept me for who I am.. then I guess I'm not the right person for you.. and I guess you're not the right person for me.. and if you can only trust me when I'm in your sight.. then I guess our relationship has bigger problems than me having friends.. and maybe you need counselling.. and maybe "I" don't want to be with someone who is trying to be so controlling.. and maybe "I" don't WANT to change who I am.. maybe I think I am just fine the way I am.. maybe I LIKE me.. and I would love you to be part of my life.. but not all of it.. a healthy relationship does not involve one person revolving around the other... but more of a give and take... living parallel to someone that you love being around.. and letting them live with you... you put up with my faults.. and I put up with yours.. and we love each other because we have differences.. and different ways of thinking.. well.. anyways.. here's what Dear Abby had to say about it.. and god I hope I'm not gonna get in copyright problems for posting this here.. Quite frankly.. I'm sick of losing friends because of someone else's jealousy....
here is the link to the original message


DEAR ABBY: I'm a 21-year-old woman who is happily married to a wonderful man. My best friend is a guy I'll call "Tom." We have been friends for four years. My husband likes Tom, trusts me and has no problem with it.

The problem is Tom's live-in girlfriend, "Ginny." Ginny doesn't like or trust me. She doesn't like any of Tom's other friends, either. (Most of his friends are female.) Abby, Tom is not a flirt. He's loyal to Ginny and would never dream of cheating.

Ginny is extremely insecure. She goes haywire if Tom has any contact with any of us -- so he has begun sneaking around behind her back to hang with us. I'm uncomfortable with the sneaking around because it makes me feel we're doing something wrong when we aren't, but it seems to be the only solution.

Tom and Ginny are not engaged, but they're in the process of trying to buy or build a house together. He acts like he's unhappy in the relationship, but seems afraid to stand up for himself. What should I do? -- TOM'S BEST FRIEND IN FORT WORTH

DEAR BEST FRIEND: You, your husband and some of Tom's other friends should stage an intervention with him. Warn Tom that sneaking around and trying to fool Ginny won't work. At some point she'll catch on and erupt like Mount Vesuvius -- and who could blame her? Instead of behaving like an adult and informing his girlfriend that if the relationship is to continue, she'll have to accept that he has platonic female friends, he's taking the coward's way out.

A home is the largest investment most people make in their lifetimes. Tom should carefully consider the wisdom of making an investment like this with Ginny under the circumstances. If you can't make him see reason, then urge him to discuss it with a lawyer. You'll be doing him a huge favor.

P.S. And while you're at it, do yourself a favor. Distance yourself from Tom a bit, until he works this out.


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