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Saturday, December 31, 2005

happy new year

Well.. Christmas was suprisingly better than expected.. and also a lot more uncomfortable.. There's nothing quite like being totally spoiled... and not being able to give much back.. I felt like an absolute idiot.. look at me.. I'm such a screwup.. I couldn't even afford more than 5$ for a gift for you.. and you got me a stereo.. dammit... oh look.. you made me a beautiful CPK outfit.. and a shelf.. and I got you a garden ornament... I suck... anyways.. .it WAS nice.. cause I managed to see everyone.. even mom and dad at the same time for 1/2 an hour.. and no one did anything remotely nasty.. or argued.. so I guess I got my christmas wish.. I just wish I could have given out better gifts.. I really felt stupid for not doing my jam this year... then again.. most people have probably had enough of my jam... it's not like anyone asked about it.. not like when I did cookies... hmmm... thoughts....

My car is getting progressively more frustrating.. the rad overheats... the balljoints are going.. and today.. it took me 5 minutes to get it started to go to work... it started up fine on the way out of work.. but then I got stuck at the gas station... I had the key stuck in the ignition.. and in the wrong way (it's a bit broken.. only works broken end up) apparently I had the WRONG broken end up... I called Matt to rescue me... only to go back out to the car and miraculously free the key from the car.. flip the key.. and start the stupid thing.. after that there was no way I was going to go to the store for cat food.. lord only knows I would have gotten stuck at the 7-11 next...

Drew ran out of Ritalin this week... and you know what... I have now been thoroughly convinced that it is definitely working... I wanted to choke him... he was so horrid off of it.. he's poked another hole in my basement wall.. (that is NEVER going to get fixed if they won't at least let me repaint it BEFORE they put another screwdriver through it..) he's been just wild.. I let him go a few days off of it because I had realized how skinny he's gotten.. in the new year I will be calling the doctor to lower his dosage... right now I have him drinking extra carnation instant breakfasts twice a day.. it's working.. he's not AS bony.... and at least the instant breakfasts are a lot cheaper than boost shakes..

I'm playing on neopets.. getting a bit frustrated because people keep running away from fights with my neopet.. it's not my fault she kicks butt... hmm I seem to have gotten a worthy opponent.. let's see how this goes... ok.. that was quick.. got my butt kicked.. lol YAY.. anyways.. you should sign up for neopets too.. if you sign up here.. you get me free stuff
and so what I want you to do.. is go to this link.. sign up.. and I don't care if you don't do anything ever again... but they do have some pretty cool free java type games.. they don't bother you in your email.. it's fun.. and completely free.. so go sign up at that link.. and check it out and I'll love you forever. :D and then you could train up your neopet.. and kick my butt too!!! won't THAT be fun??

So this week I got a pile of sewing done.. Was making CPK clothes up for my niece.. Made her a dress for her new CPK baby.. a jeans outfit.. (super cute) and will be making a shoulder tie dress as well.. it's all cut out.. I just need some time to get it done..

Just to prove to you how wierd our house is... We moved all of our dressers to the basement yesterday... it gives me something resembling a main floor laundry room this way.. no lugging clean laundry to everyones rooms to put it away.. (which no one was doing anyways).. I figure since we were going down to the basement each morning to dig through the clean pile to find clothes because neither of us likes climbing the stairs to put the laundry away (actually.. I'm the only one who will even fold it) it makes more sense to have it at least organized down there... yup.. wierd.. uniquely me :)

I'm reading a new book.. "the time travellers wife" I totally recommend it.. it's a great read. It's about this guy who spontaneously time travels.. like because of a genetic mutation.. and his wife.. so it's really cool.. much better than it sounds.. go find it and read it.. you'll thank me..

Anyways.. the countdown to midnight is on.. Matt's making nachos.. (which will most likely leave me bringing in the new year with a sick tummy) so I'm off to see if there's another episode of "the worst jobs in history" on tonight.. (watch that show.. it's cool!!)

I wish you all a happy new year.. and please.. go check out neopets.. for me.. :)

and hey.. if you wanna see my website too.. here it is HERE

Sunday, December 18, 2005

"no thanks.. I've already got one!!!"

Well.. another two weeks older... and nothing to show for it.. :)

It's been an interesting few weeks.. last week I decided.. on wednesday.. to throw a kids cookie making party.. on friday.. So I invited over about 10 kids to bake gingerbread cookies with us.. what fun!! we had 3 different kinds of icing and 5 or 6 different types of sprinkles to decorate them with.
I got a look at Drew on thursday while he was getting dressed and Oh my.. that child has lost too much weight.. I think his dose is too high... so I'm taking him off on the weekends and holidays.. and feeding him extra carnation breakfasts with every meal.. try to get some weight on him.. must call doctor soon.... I tried that day.. but no answer..
My dad's family christmas party was yesterday. I spent the past month kinda depressed because I couldn't get the day off.. last week I called in sick on saturday.. (I really was sick.. icky migraine nastiness) and figured there was no way I'd get away with calling in sick this saturday too.. so didn't even try.. well.. I went in on monday and was told that they had been offering all day VDT the day I called in sick anyways.. so if I had gone in.. I probably coulda got sent home anyways without getting in trouble for it.... oh well.. but this gave me an idea... since we're so overstaffed... maybe I could get out of working this saturday as well... so at 1 pm saturday of the party.. I call in.. hey.. is there anyway I can stay home? NOPE NO WAY NOT GONNA HAPPEN.... oh well.. so I go in .. and as I'm walking up the hall.. my manager is walking towards me.. not looking too impressed... and says.. "Sheri.. you can have all day VDT.. go home.. sorry for making you come in" My god.. I coulda kissed her..
So we got picked up by my sis..(my car is still not so great) and went to my dad's. I FINALLY got to play with my baby nephew a bit!! he's such a cutie.. he was giggling at me in the car cause I was playing peek with him.. from behind my new CPK.
this pic.. well.. I resized it so it would load up.. but.. well.. the quality is not the best anymore. but that's her.. Rena Clarissa.. I adored her the first time I saw her.. and HAD to have her.. so Matt let me buy her for my christmas present!! and when I got her.. we found out she was born the same year as my daughter.. and has the same birthday as matt's uncle.. (both of whom have passed away) so that makes her even more special..
I got to play with the rest of my family too.. my nephew Logan was soo funny... he was giggling at me all night and kept coming over for a tickle.. Kiera (my neice) said she was keeping her claws out just in case.. and everyone went running.. cause she wasn't scared to use em.. lol. I think sometimes at those parties you NEED claws if you're the smallest girl.. lol.. A few of us went down to the basement to get away from the noise.. (my dad's house is not huge.. and they had.. well.. I dunno.. 50 or so people in it..) and after a few minutes.. the kids followed us down... then my cousins figured they'd start playing with the kids... next thing you know there's a pile of kids 5 deep.. and they throw the heaviest one on top!!! I was so amazed there were no broken ribs on the bottom... My cousin TJ was there..(kinda freaks me out how much he looks like my daughters dad now) and he brought gingerbread men for the kids.. and I wanted one.. but he said no.. cause they were just for the kids.. so I said.. "I'm a kid.. I'm just as much a kid as anyone else in this room" (they're all MY cousins..) and my cousin Adam said.. "ya.. she's got a doll on her lap.. what more do you want?" lol I did too.. so since Adam is short... (taller than me.. but most of my cousins are like 10 feet tall) TJ put the last cookie up on the shelf.. and said.. "I'll just put it up here where it's safe cause you can't reach it." and then turned around to beat up the little kids a bit.. at which point Adam stood on the chair and grabbed the cookie and tossed it to me.. I shoved it under Rena to hide it.. so after TJ was done beating on my cousin Aaron he noticed that he had cracked Aaron's cookie.. so he said I could have THAT one.. I replied "no thanks.. I've already got one!!" lol
Then later we came upstairs.. and Adam was at the top of the stairs on the other side of the baby gate.. and someone asked what he had done wrong that he was locked in the basement.. and someone else piped up that he "didn't meet the height requirements of this room" and everyone started laughing.. (I think Adam is kinda normal height.. but his brothers are all super tall...they make my 6'2" hubby look short)
Then we had dinner.. Turkey AND ham!!! YAY yummy yummy!! If I had known I was able to go though I woulda brought pies or something for dessert.. Joey was totally into the turkey though.. he came back for fourths..
Then PRESENTS!!! I got a mug with 2$ tim hortons cash in it.. and a blanket and a nail kit.. which is cool.. cause I've always wanted one of those toe nail seperator thingies.. and some soap and candles.. Joey got a stuffed dino and Drew got a kit to make a photo frame.. which is really cool.. but he wasn't sure about it when he didn't know what it was.. once I explained what it was he was excited about it though.. Seems I wasn't the only one to get people mugs though.. so by the time I gave my uncle tom his gift.. well. he was like "Oh great.. another mug" lol oh well.. I got talking to him and I don't think he remembers Amy... his memory loss thingy really sucks.. She used to be at his house almost every day for a few months.. and my favorite pics I have of her are ones he took..
So I'm sitting there and Adam says.. I had a cabbage patch kids just like that one when I was a kid.. (?) same outfit and everything (?) and I was playing catch her with Josh from the top of the garage.. and he missed catching her.. and she smashed on the pavement.. (ACK) (Rena is a softie... and was wearing my daughters old dress.. lol.. glad Adam's memory is so clear!!)
So Joey brought Michael J too.. (his CPK) and now my nephew Cameron wants one too!!! Which works out good.. since I have one just like Michael J that I can give Cam for christmas!! I just have to figure out what he wants to wear and off he goes!! YAY another kid converted!! lol
I spent the past few months trying to think what to do for my dad for christmas.. but.. didn't come up with anything really good until a few days ago.. now I have something I KNOW he'll like.. but I'm not telling YOU.. cause you might tell HIM and what would be the fun in that??
I'm still feeling a bit stressed about christmas and my kids.. there's really not much for under the tree this year... I actually don't have a big present from Santa for Joey.. cause the one thing I did get him was from Drew... and Drew knows about it.. so I can't put it from santa.. so I'm a little bugged about that... maybe I'll hit toys r us today.. I'm a bit worried though cause I've been off the past two saturdays.. and I know my pay before christmas is going to be .. tiny... so I don't know if I should buy any more gifts.. cause I have to eat too... maybe I should hit community care next week or something before I shop.. I always feel bad doing that though.. cause we make ok money.. it's just that we've gotten ourselves into such a bind.. financially. I feel like I did this to myself so I should just live with the consequences.. oh well... we'll see what happens.. OH and on the upside.. Matty got a promotion this week!! so this will mean a raise and better hours.. which takes effect on the pay AFTER christmas.. of course.. blah.. but.. this will hopefully mean that I'll be able to go back to 5 days a week at work.. (still part time.. but more hours than I work now) and this little poverty feeling will finally be able to go away.. On the downside.. this also means I have to find a sitter who can stay until 1130 pm on monday and tuesday this week while he's in training... blah.. My dad says he'll do it if my regular sitter can't.. (she's only a teen.. subject to mom and dad's rules) but still.. stress.. I hate these decisions to train people at night.. last time his training went til 1 am.. at least when this training is done his hours will make more sense..
So Matt is walking around right now with my cat on his shoulder.. Puss has decided that her favorite perch is on top of people.. so anyone who leans down low enough ends up with a cat on their neck.. (not always a good thing.. she holds on with her claws) once she's on there though.. as long as you don't move too quickly, she's actually kinda warm... I had read a book when I was a kid about a girl with a cat who liked to ride around on her shoulders... and always wanted a cat that would do that... Now that I have one.. I keep remembering that book.. it's kinda a warm fuzzy feeling for me.. I love my kitty.. :)
Anyways.. I have to go.. I need to hit the stores and also have to call my sitter... have a good christmas if I'm not back here til after then :)

Monday, December 05, 2005

I don't need counselling.. I need drugs

It's been an emotional rollercoaster of a week.. I went a little bonkers in bulk barn the other day.. ended up buying chocolate chips, and mint chocolate chips, and white chocolate chips, and butterscotch chips, and peanut butter chips, and rainbow chips... (I only MEANT to go in for chocolate chips.. figured it'd save money.. ended up spending 10$ on chocolate chips.. maybe there is a reason to have them prepackaged in recipe sized bags..) So I ended up inviting over a pile of people to bake cookies with us.. Drew's friend Bianca from school and my neighbour and the girl she was watching.. (actually.. her kids were invited too.. but apparently not ALL kids like to bake..weird) It was a good time.. even the part where the kids were carrying the ingredients from the kitchen.. and Bianca was carrying the flour bag.. on her head.. sideways.. without realizing it was OPEN.. and was pouring a trail of flour behind her and down her back as she walked.... lol.. good thing I hadn't done my floor yet or that may have bothered me :) we ended up making some really good cookies.. peanut butter with peanut butter and chocolate chips.. mmmm
Next on my wacky week was.. report cards and parent teacher interviews... Well... what can I say.. my kids report cards.. sucked... badly.. I have nothing but frustration here.. my kid works his butt off trying to keep up.. and still gets.. D's... all D's.. 4 C's.. and we had Joey's meeting with his teacher.. (this is my SMART kid.. the one who is supposed to be able to keep up) and she says.. "I'm not giving up on Joey yet"... huh?? ok.. I get that he's shy.. and won't talk to you.. but he KNOWS THE WORK.. oh well.. at least he's taking it in.. Drew is just lost.. totally.. it's not that he knows the answers and is too shy to tell anyone.. he's just not getting it.. So I went to the meeting with his teacher.. and they're going to set up an individual education plan.. which means he's going to be working at his level.. (what the hell is wrong with a school system that will NOT fail a kid??? ) this kid is at the end of SK early grade 1 level.. why not put him into grade 1 again?? I don't get it.. freaking stupid society.. god forbid you let kids realize they're not perfect.. a little bit of reality won't kill them.. geez... and I'd feel better without 2 hours of homework everyday.. knowing that he's finally getting the ideas... blah..
Then was the christmas party at the bike club.. at least santa didn't seem drunk this year.. The kids got really cool presents.. lots of candy.. and had a blast.. I just felt like drinking... which isn't like me at all.. I had a really uneasy feeling the whole day.. didn't really feel safe going.. probably because someone else was driving.. and I hate other people's driving.. luckily the highways were fairly empty.. and even though it seemed that my sis in law was driving a million miles an hour.. I checked.. and she was going slower than I probably would have..
I've spent the weekend missing Amy.. I dunno why I get these times where I just get so depressed over her not being here.. anyways.. it climaxed at the party.. and there was me.. standing outside crying to matt's step step mom.. and smoking her cigarettes..(I don't smoke).. ok.. so I'm embarrassed that I couldn't hold it together.. she suggested I get counselling.. blah.. you know what? this is normal I guess.. from what I hear.. for someone who has lost a child.. to have times where it's like yesterday.. it passes..
So I got home and called my mom.. and she kinda summed it up.. it's different.. cause there's no one else in life who you are expected to be able to fix everything for.. I was supposed to take care of her and keep her safe.. that is my job as a mother.. and I couldn't keep her safe.. I couldn't even make it stop hurting.. I couldn't even protect her from the mean nurses.. and the only time my daughter said mama.. was when she was screaming for me to help her.. and I couldn't do a damned thing.. and the whole fact that that was on christmas day.. kinda screws christmas up for me... cause every time I think of christmas.. that's what I think of.. I don't think I need counselling.. I think I need drugs.. so I can sleep through the holiday..