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Monday, November 23, 2009

My Journal Assignment for nov 23

What I would say if I had the courage to say it….

Quit trying to impose your values on my life! My life experiences have shaped my values, and yours have shaped yours. If I keep trying to live up to your values I'm going to regret the way I've lived my life. I don't want to get to heaven rich. I don't want to lie on my deathbed wishing I had spent more time with my children. I don't want to die lonely. I really don't care if I make "enough" money, as long as I have time with my family and enough to eat. I don't care that your opinions don't mesh with mine, and I wish you would quit trying to make me see things your way. I saw thing that way before, other things I've seen have changed my mind.

I wish you would quit trying to involve me in your fights. Don't try to turn me again anyone else. I don't want to be in the middle of it. SHUT UP! I don't want all your negative thoughts swirling around in my head! I don't WANT to know those things! I want to keep my rose coloured glasses ON! I can't UNHEAR what you told me! It was none of my business.

Quit telling me your bad memories of my childhood. I have mostly good ones. The bad ones make me wonder about my own sanity. Am I crazy for forgetting that? Or am I the sane one because I moved past it? What if all that shit is in the past and I don't want to dwell on it? What if I just want to get on with life and you're preventing that by rehashing the same old miserable history?

Quit trying to get me to do things I don't WANT to do! Don't volunteer me for things without asking me first. I have a hard time saying no. Please don't assume that my not saying no, is me saying yes.

Don't put me in a room full of people I don't know. I am terrified of strangers. People's eyes eat into me and I feel 2 inches tall. I know I'm not perfect.. and I feel everyone else knowing that when they see me.

All I really want from you is time. I just want you to be with me and spend time with me. I don't want your money, I don't want stuff, I don't want what you can do for me. But I'll take it if that's the only way to get you to spend time with me.

Please don't try to take care of me and fix me. It only makes me act dependant.. I want to take care of myself. If I need help, I'll ask for it. I don't NEED to be taken care of. I take care of everything already, I'm really good at that.

Hey.. I'm really smart! My eyes are up HERE! Talk to my face!

Quit trying to get me to be what you want me to be and let me just be myself. You might find that you like me better than what you imagined I can be.

I never meant to hurt you. Doesn't matter who you are or what I did. I never meant to hurt anyone. I'm sorry if I did. Really.

I love you. It doesn't matter who you are. There's something about you I love. I may really dislike most of you.. but there is a part of every one of you that I love. Please don't forget to look for that little bit of me that you might love too


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