Welcome to my world...

Monday, November 07, 2005

missing Amy a lot today....

Bereaved Parents Wish List

I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had her back.
I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child
lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that she was
important to you also.
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you
knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the
cause of my tears. You have talked about my child and you have
allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't
shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also want
you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you
would let me talk about my child; my favorite topic of the day.
I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my
child's death pains you too. I wish you would let me know these
things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over. These first years
are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief
will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day
I die.
I am working hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand
that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child and I
will always grieve that she/he is dead.
I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or "be
happy". Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate
I don't want to have a "Pity party", but I do wish you would let me
grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is
miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please
be as patient with me as I am with you.
When I say, "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand that I
don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very
normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are
all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn
or irritable and cranky.
Your advice to "take it one day at a time" is excellent advice.
However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you
could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes
the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk
away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died,
a big part of me died with her.. I am not the same person I was
before my child died and I will never be that person again.
I wish very much that you could understand ~ understand my loss and
my grief. But, I pray daily that you will never understand.

I've been missing my baby girl a lot this week.. not sure why so much today.. it goes in waves I guess.. It's been 9 years and then some since she died.. and I came across this poem on the web today.. and figured I'd post it here.. it's from the compassionate friends newsletter.. (that's a group for bereaved parents) I found it at a website for a lady who also lost a baby.. and she makes dolls too.. though she makes reborns.. I make softies.. either way.. it's the same thing.. right? Sometimes I feel like this needs to be told to all the people around me.. I always feel bad when people get awkward when I bring her up.. but she is my child just as much as Drew or Joe.. and I want to talk about her too.. anyways.. that's it for now.. I'm feeling lonely.. wouldn't mind if anyone wanted to hang out.. so if you read this.. maybe give me a call and say hi.. if you know me.. if you don't know me.. don't call.. that would just be weird.. you could email me though..


At 4:13 PM, Blogger Bike said...

I share your pain...lost my daughter just 6 weeks ago. You are in my prayers.!


Post a Comment

<< Home