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Thursday, May 04, 2006

This song was kinda in my head today.. reminding me.. I think that my mindset is what holds me back.. the learned behaviours.. no matter how hard I try to mesh... I don't fit anywhere. I'm too well behaved to enjoy the people who like me.. and too badly behaved to fit with the people I like.. This song just kinda reminds me of working at the gas station.. and having people who were loaded come in and talk to me.. and every once in a while I'd throw something into the conversation.. just to mess with their view of reality.. hey.. life's easy for you.. try raising 2 kids on 1500$ a month.. ya I know.. you were raised to look after yourself.. you were raised to grow up and make your own money.. and take care of #1.. me.. I was raised to grow up.. and get by.. maybe I'd get lucky and marry a rich man.. but don't bother dreaming about college.. cause no one's paying for it.. and debt is bad.. dont' go into debt for nothing... which kinda strikes out osap. and now.. looking back at it.. it woulda been so easy to do everything I dreamed of.. if someone had ever mentioned that it was possible. I keep thinking.. maybe it's easy to do it now.. maybe I just can't see it. It all just seems so impossible.. like.. right now.. it seems kinda pointless too.. I make more $$ now than I would if I went to college for the jobs I dream of doing.. so how would I justify it? personal fulfillment?
As far as fitting in.. all I've figured out about people in the last 29 years of working on this puzzle.. is that people don't like anything negative.. they don't want to hear about your problems.. they don't want to hear about your crazy family... they don't want to hear about you not having any money... they don't want to hear that your kids are doing this or that.. they want you to smile and pretend everything is wonderful.. and if you do that for them.. they'll do the same for you and everyone will get along fine.. Which would be great.. except I was raised in a family where we talked about our problems.. and now I'm not sure how to stop.. I try not to.. it's like it's uncontrollable and I scare everyone away from me. This society is bull.. if we could all just talk to each other.. we could put psychiatrists out of business.


She came from Greece she had a thirst for knowledge,
she studied sculpture at Saint Martin's College,
that's where I,
caught her eye.
She told me that her Dad was loaded,
I said "In that case I'll have a rum and coca-cola."
She said "Fine."
and in thirty seconds time she said,

"I want to live like common people,
I want to do whatever common people do,
I want to sleep with common people,
I want to sleep with common people,
like you."

Well what else could I do -
I said "I'll see what I can do."
I took her to a supermarket,
I don't know why but I had to start it somewhere,
so it started there.
I said pretend you've got no money,
she just laughed and said,
"Oh you're so funny."
I said "yeah?
Well I can't see anyone else smiling in here.
Are you sure you want to live like common people,
you want to see whatever common people see,
you want to sleep with common people,
you want to sleep with common people,
like me."
But she didn't understand,
she just smiled and held my hand.
Rent a flat above a shop,
cut your hair and get a job.
Smoke some fags and play some pool,
pretend you never went to school.
But still you'll never get it right,
cos when you're laid in bed at night,
watching roaches climb the wall,
if you call your Dad he could stop it all.

You'll never live like common people,
you'll never do what common people do,
you'll never fail like common people,
you'll never watch your life slide out of view,
and dance and drink and screw,
because there's nothing else to do.

Sing along with the common people,
sing along and it might just get you through,
laugh along with the common people,
laugh along even though they're laughing at you,
and the stupid things that you do.
Because you think that poor is cool.

I want to live with common people,
I want to live with common people etc...

got a new baby ticker too.. this one is neat and tells me where the baby is at each day..

anyhoo.. if anyone feels like calling me up and bitching about their idiot family.. feel free.. I need someone to cry with.


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