sherilaugh

So.. not much has changed.. emotionally I'm still a wreck.. though giving myself some distance has freed up some of my brain space.. I am not angry or sad ALL of the time now.. just most of it.. I'm still feeling pretty rejected.. and pretty lonely.. even though I've had people to hang around with.. which I am grateful for.. god knows.. I'm a pain in the ass and hard to be around.. I went swimming with dad this morning.. was nice.. no kids.. we got to sit and chat and not have to keep Joey (my insane son) from drowning himself... I got back in time to sit in on half of JK.. just in time to go to the bake sale.. (for future reference.. grade 8's are not always the best bakers...) and we lined up the kids to go down the hallway.. and the one girl grabs my hand and says that I should walk with her in case my little joey gets scared. (she was right behind joey..) so I said that I didn't think Joey minded where I was.. but I suspected she just liked me.. and she kind...

Well.. it's 3:34am.. and I can't sleep.. Do you ever get the feeling that you just don't fit anywhere??? cause that's where I'm at right now.. I just don't mesh.. I've spent the last 2 hours crying in bed... and decided to come down here and talk to my computer so Matty can get some sleep.. the poor man is trying to be supportive..he rubbed my back for an hour while I blubbered away.. but he does need his sleep.. Someone has to get up with the kids in the morning.. It has occurred to me that I don't really have anything more than friends in passing anymore.. you know.. the people you see once in a while.. and might stop for coffee with.. or hang out for a day once every few months.. and that's it.. and that really depresses me.. I keep thinking I was just born into the wrong decade..I seem to get along ok with people my ages moms... I wasn't raised like the kids around me.. we weren't allowed makeup.. miniskirts.. bikini's.. w...

It's time for another update on my life.. There's not a whole lot going on.. I've pretty much avoided JK this week.. only went in for one day.. I got to do patterns with the kids which translated means I got to play with halves of apples and get covered in paint... YIPPEE!!! I finally finished my outfit for this months theme.. 2 days left to go til a new theme.. I've already got the next two months themes figured out.. and I already have TONS of fabric for next months seeing as I went on a bit of a bender on boxing week last year.. :) I made Matching pants for Joey and Michael J.. though there was only enough fabric left for Michael j to have a jacket too.. Joey doesn't seem to mind.. though Drew was asking... interrogating more like.. why Joey didn't have a jacket too.. blast.. kids.. I've almost gotten through all the fabric that was left for me to put together by a friend of mine.. I've got ideas for some of it.. not sure what the heck I'm gonna d...

Bereaved Parents Wish List I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had her back . Y I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that she was important to you also. Y If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both. Y Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever. Y I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child; my favorite topic of the day. Y I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you too. I wish you would let me know these things through a phone call, ...

I've always felt like a bit of a freak because most of my best friends are guys.. always have been.. always will be I guess.. I've lost a lot of friends to girlfriends who are jealous.. for no good reason other than previous relationships gone bad.. So I wanted to post this Dear Abby article from yesterday.. just to reenforce that I AM OK.. and it is OK for people to have opposite gender platonic friends WHILE they are in a relationship.. and it does not mean that they are F*CKING or WILL F*CK it just means that they are friends.. and I think more people should stand up for themselves.. and say.. hey.. you know what.. I'm not going to change who I am to be half of you.. I'm going to be me.. take it or leave it.. if you can't accept me for who I am.. then I guess I'm not the right person for you.. and I guess you're not the right person for me.. and if you can only trust me when I'm in your sight.. then I guess our relationship has bigger problems than m...